“This Must Be Incredibly Frustrating For You” – Bald Teacher Guy

Hello again! Remember that time I went away for a weekend and didn’t blog and then the whole thing fell apart? And then I had my first paper for class due and decided to do my homework for once? Yeah… Well the paper has since been turned in, the sleep has been somewhat caught up on, and the blog is about to be put together once more.

On Tuesday (yeah, as in October 19^th) when I came into work, Super Star Sarah had compiled a list of what they discussed at the end of the meeting yesterday and we were supposed to do a little more research and look more deeply into them. Okie dokie. As I’m zoning out on my computer it takes me a minute to realize that Josh is trying to get my attention. He starts asking me if ‘I’m in’ and I have no idea what he’s talking about. “You should really check your e-mail,” is all he says. Hmm intriguing. I will take that challenge! Turns out Josh has sent me the dates of another BBC shoot (which takes place on a weekend) and asked if I wanted to come help out as his PA. I didn’t even reach the end of the e-mail before I swiveled in my chair and yelled, “YES!” at him across the room. I should have really read the all of it first because he ended it with, “So what do you say… Partner?” I just started laughing. The only person in Texas who says ‘partner’ is my nephew’s Woody doll. Oi, Josh. If only you knew what it’s really like there. Cut to me swiveling around again:

ME: So Josh, you’re the producer on these, right?

JOSH: Yup

ME: So you’re gonna be like the boss on set? These are gonna be your babies?

JOSH: Yup, so you better behave!

ME: Psh, wha-

JOSH: I don’t want any of your sass on set.

ME: I’m not sassy!

JOSH: Keep it at home.

ME: Oh, shut up

JOSH: Did you just tell me to shut up?

ME: No

JOSH: I think you did.

ME: Maybe. And who says ‘partner’ in Texas! No one does! No one says ‘partner’ Josh!

JOSH: Sure they do. *puts on American accent* ‘What do you say, part-narr’

ME: No one sounds like that!

So Josh may be slightly delusional in his Texan ways and I may be labeled as sassy, but I get to go on a shoot! A BBC shoot no less! Haha, yes! Take that research! Now I just hope I can impress Josh with my talented PA skills. And for the record, I’m quite well behaved on sets. The rest of the day Ben had me writing descriptions for the challenges in our latest show, ‘The Best’. This one was thought up before I got here and they already shot a little demo and put together a little 5 min teaser trailer. (It’s hilarious, that’s all I can tell you.) Before I knew it, it was lunchtime and then I had to leave.

Oh my lanta, this internship class. I just can’t get over how disorganized this class is and yet they wonder why we’re confused and angry. Maybe if you got your stuff together and presented it to us in a clear fashion you wouldn’t be having revolts in your classroom lady! This week was particularly interesting because in the afternoon section of this class, we’re split into two groups and Xanthy teaches one group and this other woman who’s name I don’t know teaches our class. The previous week, they gave us homework to read over for this week, but oops, guess what? They assigned the homework differently and thus this week, Xanthy had a small problem, which could have been easily solved, but turned into a huge clustercuss in a matter of minutes. I just don’t know how much more I can sit through that class without tearing my hair out.

During out break, I went back to my dorm and found my mummsies care package made it’s way to my dorm at last! Yayayayayay. Not only did she send me food and snacks, but more lactose pills (necessary) and even a present for who else, but Josh. She wrote, “I enclose a small calendar for Josh so he can see some photos of Texas and have a better idea of the Lone Star State.” Bahaha! Cheers, momma, this is exactly what I needed.

As I was headed back to class, I ran into Nick who had some rather exciting news. Turns out last weekend was a good time to disappear. Apparently, Anthony the 45 year old man got into a fight with two of the girls on our floor. I don’t know exactly what happened, but the general jist is that he made some inappropriate comments, the girls retaliated, and Nick was dragged into their argument by Anthony. The next morning the girls had called their parents, the parents called their homeschool, their homeschool called Westminster and Anthony, the 45 year old man is being relocated to a new floor. While I feel somewhat bad for Anthony, I can’t help but feel somewhat relieved that I don’t have to put up with him complaining about Westminster compared to Cambridge and awkwardness of having a middle aged man in a college setting anymore.

The second half of this class is the only part I feel is somewhat useful as that’s when we apply the theory to our lives and get to talk about what we’re doing in out internships. But all the same, it’s still pretty boring. After plotting my successes and failures on a timeline to see my accomplishments I came back home to make dinner. Sure enough, while I was in the kitchen, who walked in but Angry Anthony. This time, he didn’t even say hi to me or even acknowledge my presence. He just came in, slammed things around a bit and left. Oooooh, I guess what Nick said was true. I spent the night finishing An Affair to Remember and catching up on Mad Men, which sadly, this was the season finale. And oh my lanta! I’m still baffled by the way it ended! These are the times I wish I was surrounded by people who watched American TV!!!

When I walked into work on Wednesday, I was very excited to see how Josh would like his calendar. As I joined him in the kitchen for tea, it was him who started the conversation first. Before I transcribe what went down, let me first preface this by explaining that he was wearing this v-neck white sweater with blue trim that looked like it belonged on the tennis courts. Ahem:

JOSH: Devon, I didn’t see you at the match last night.

ME: What match?

JOSH: The Arsnal game.

ME: Well the thing about Arsnal is, they’re always trying to walk it in.

JOSH: Do you like football? And don’t even call it soccer!

ME: Did the word soccer come out of my mouth? No, you brought it up. And yeah, I like football. I watched the World Cup! But I really want to go to game while I’m here.

JOSH: Well you should. We’ll go sometime.

ME: Yeah? Ok! Soo, are you going to play tennis after work or something?

JOSH: No, cricket. Tonight’s our first match of the season.

ME: Really?? You play cricket?

JOSH: No, Devon. You’re too easy you know. You’re innocence gets you every time.

ME: Well excuse me for not knowing everything about your English ways! Oh hey, that reminds me! My momma sent me a package yesterday and she gave me something to give to you. *produces calendar* It’s a calendar! And look what the picture is for October.

JOSH: The Alamo!

ME: Yup, that’s where I’m from, San Antonio.

JOSH: *starts flipping through the calendar* Oh, look cows, that’s very Texan. Oohh the desert, is that what El Paso really looks like? And pretty blue flowers!

ME: Oh Bluebonnets! That’s a very Texan thing to go get your picture taken in a field of bluebonnets.

JOSH: What city’s skyline is this? Dallas. Wow, that’s a really ugly city.

ME: Well I don’t really like Dallas so-

JOSH: This one’s ugly too. Oh, it’s San Antonio.

ME: Hey! In all fairness, that’s a really bad picture! It doesn’t even have the Tower of Americas in it! That’s like our crowning jewel on our skyline!

JOSH: Hey, don’t get all mad at me because Texas is good at building shit skylines.

ME: Heyy!

BEN: Devon, where are all our presents?

ME: I dunno, I’m sorry. She sent this specifically for Josh, look. *pulls out letter* It says it’s for Josh.

JOSH: Well this is pretty cool. Tell your mom thank you very much and that it’s a hoot.

ME: See, it’s not so bad I write about you after all, huh?

So Josh liked his calendar and it’s currently still sitting propped up on his desk. How much of this is for practical purposes and how much of it is because he likes to look at pictures of cows and “shit skylines” is anyone’s guess. The rest of the day was rather uneventful. I can’t even really tell you what I did. I just remember being busy. When I got home that night I was rudely interrupted by a fire alarm. It’s 8:30 at night and I’m attempting to write an outline for a paper, please tell me we’re not going to be forced to stand outside all night because someone burned toast. Nope, turns out it was only for 20 minutes and it was because some girl took a shower and left her door closed. (I guess it happens to other people besides you after all Caroline.) We did have to wait till some Fire men came in to check it out though.

Thursday was the most horrible experience I’ve had in a museum yet. Our Art and Society class is so large that when we go on these field trips, we’re usually split up into three groups and the module leader, Peter, and his two assistants each take a group. Peter is one of my favorite professors. Not only does he really know what he’s talking about, but he provokes thought in what he’s saying. He makes me think about the pieces and I feel like I’m truly learning. Love this man. I wish I could say the same for his two assistants.

One is bald man who has no idea what he’s doing anywhere we go and the other is this young woman who has an incredibly thick accent and you have no idea what she’s saying anyways. Usually I’ve been pretty successful at worming my way into Peter’s group when he splits us up, but this week I wasn’t so lucky and I got the bald man. Urggh. That week we went to the National Gallery which is located in Trafalgar’s Square and doesn’t allow photography. (I tried to sneak a few, but it was really hard with all the guards). I was excited about this visit because several of the painting we talked about in my Art History class were housed here and I was very much looking forward to seeing them in person. Art is always so much more interesting and valuable when you know what’s going on in the painting and the backstory behind it.

So off we go and the first painting we come across is The Marriage of Giovanni Arnolfini and his Bride. Ohhh! I know this piece! I had to write an essay about it in my Art class and here I am actually standing in front of it! This is so exciting! Until I actually try and pay attention to what the Bald man is saying about it. Guess what, he has NO IDEA what he’s saying. He’s making it up as he goes. Saying things like, “oh the shoes in the painting represent that aspects of everyday life are starting to be incorporated into art.” WHAT?! This is wrong. You are so wrong you little man! So naturally, I had to point out this out:

ME: Actually, that’s not why the shoes are there at all.

BALD MAN: Oh really?

ME: Yes. The shoes represent the fact that they’re standing on holy ground. This painting has a lot of symbolism in it. Like the dog, which is supposed to represent fidelity, hence the name Fido given to dogs. Also there’s the broom above the bed which represents the fact that she’s now taking on the womanly domestic duties of the home. And then there’s her ‘belly’ when she probably wasn’t even pregnant. It’s just a sort of warm wish that they will be blessed with children. That’s also why this is being painted in the bedroom. And if you look at the mirror in the background you can see a reflection of someone other than the couple and we don’t know who it is, but I think it’s the painter.

Of course, I could have said more. There was all kinds of stuff I didn’t mention like the bowl of oranges or the single candle lit, but I thought it was best to stop there. The little man didn’t know what to think. He was literally speechless. Ha! Everyone was now looking at this painting a little more closely and the little man starts to read the plaque on the wall next to it, “Oh, it says here that you can see a reflection of a man, perhaps the painter, on the mirror on the wall. How interesting!” Yeah, you see little bald man, I actually know what I’m talking about!! Again, Leanne you’d be so proud. I’m putting my art history knowledge to good use.

So off we went following this guy around the museum the whole time I’m getting more and more fed up that I actually have to stand here listening to someone who I just proved knew nothing about the paintings in this place. One of the guys in our group, Kevin, turned to me and was said, “you should be teaching this class.” Pfft. No, I shouldn’t be Kevin. I don’t know that much about art, I just know what I’ve been taught in one semester in Art History, but it’s good to know that someone else who hasn’t taken any sort of class can tell this man is full of it. I kept trying to leave the group and look at other pieces I learned about last semester but the guy never let me leave. I shouldn’t have said anything because now I was on his radar and he was never going to let me escape. At one point when I was in the adjoining room to where they were, he came over and said to me, “This must be incredibly frustrating for you that you can’t stand here and look at the pieces you want to.” WHAT?! Why on Earth would you say that to me? To rub it in my face that I have to follow you around?! Urgh, you pretentious balding man!! I just wanted to slap him. When we got to painting of the Ambassadors, I simply couldn’t listen to him talk about what he doesn’t know. So instead I stood in the back and filled Kevin and Michelle in on what was really going on in the painting. You know, it’s really a good feeling to a.) know more than your professor and b.) retain information and fill others with wisdomosity. Maybe I’ll take another Art History class next semester…

After another disappointing theatre class which almost put me to sleep, I came home to catch up on some American TV. Weeds, Dexter, Modern Family, come cheer me up! I also spent quite a bit of time researching flights and finally booked my flight to Germany! Wooo. I was invited to go to Ireland with Matt and Laura for Halloween but it turns out it was too late to buy tickets. Flights to Ireland are usually dirt cheep, but apparently traveling anywhere Halloween weekend on short notice costs upwards of £70. Sorry guys, I think I’ll take my chances in London with Jeni, Tom and J.

Love,

A-needs-a-good-Halloween-costume-Devon